Dating 101-Why Doesn’t He Call Me Back?

Men are not as complicated as we think they are. And for that matter, neither are women. We

are just different, and while we understand we are different, no one ever really shows us how

much different we truly are. At PPH Therapy we teach you how to understand those unique

differences and how to take advantage of both individuals inherent differences instead of

making our lives more difficult. Biology shows that we are social creatures, we want

companionship and to be with other people. Often, we hear people say “I am fine to be alone, and that’s fine, however “I want to be alone forever”, is rarely stated.

The age-old complaint of men using women for sex and women using men for money is

notorious and can be infuriating to both sides. However, it goes back to biology as well. Men

and women are programmed to meet biological needs. For men, sex ensures their genetics are

passed down. For women, money, aka security ensures that they can take care of their children without having to worry about the necessities such as food, and physical protection.

While we can expand on this more and we will, for now here are a few tips for the ladies, and as a side note, men would do well to take note of this too as this helps you, (you just don’t realize it yet).

Little Effort- Ladies, effort is the key word here. A man values what he has to work

for; if he puts little effort into the relationship startup, he will put little effort into you in

the long run. This includes initiation which can be explained in the following paragraph.

Initiation- You initiate all the texts, calls, and contact. If a man really wants you he

will yearn for contact both emotionally and physically. if you do all the work- well, lets

just say he will take it, but in a nutshell, he doesn’t have to work for it, so it is not valued

as much. Now some will say initiation is good for women too, and it is-minimally. We are

always looking for that fine line, just don’t be on the wrong side of that line ladies.

Last-minute Invites- This one should be self-explanatory, but I will explain it anyway.

Generally, if you are after a hook-up only… well, then this is your green light. Go ahead,

and accept that late notice invitation. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule,

but statistically speaking… the odds are not in your favor, so gamble away!

Xbox or Porngraphy- These pretty little habits are not so pretty although people want

to believe that they are harmless. “I am not cheating on my wife, all I want to do is relax

a little”, is what I hear over and over. However they are a means of instant gratification

that promotes deterioration of relationships by reducing effort. (See bullet point #1) We

can get into this at another time. But for the sake of these tips right now… Xbox and

Porn (red flags)= no bueno!

Goal Achievement- He obtained the goal too quickly. Men gain self-esteem through

accomplishing tasks, goals, and objectives.   What happens to effort when a goal is

obtained? Well, if you haven’t figured it out then read on…

Goal Attainment = Effort Decline = Effort Decline in YOUR Relationship = NOT GOOD

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t personally believe that men are trying to be

manipulative or vindictive, but I do believe that GENERALLY, and I capitalize that as

there are always exceptions to the rules, GENERALLY men don’t think that far ahead!

They are just trying to meet a need and once met, (unless they have put a signification

amount of TIME and ENERGY into the relationship), they go after the next need, or

want…aka another woman to put it bluntly.

Needs- Never meet his needs before yours are being met. Men value what they have

to work for, and effort declines once they have obtained that. Once again I feel like I

may be sounding like a broken record here, but this is important so I repeat…Men value

what they work for NOT what is given to them. They will take what is given to them for

sure but this lowers their self -esteem as well as yours in the process. I can explain this

later, but men increase in personal self-esteem by giving and women by receiving and

yet we tend to sway in the opposite direction these days.

And finally…

Value Yourself- If you do not, no one will. What does this look like for you?

While these tips are not exhaustive by any means, we become better by not biting off

too much. Practice these, and when your good at implementing, come back for more!

– Melanie