Trust and Communication, Pt 2

October 21st, 2024

Picking up from a few blogs ago – let’s review briefly trust according to Brene Brown’s BRAVING acronym (https://brenebrown.com/podcast/the-anatomy-of-trust/)

Boundaries
Reliability
Accountability
Vault
Integrity
Non Judgment
Generosity

Again, each of these elements do not need to be rigid rules. There is a certain ebb and flow in communication and relationships. It’s important to let guidelines be reminders, posts, areas to grow together and learn together.

Now we will turn to John & Julie Gottman (gottman.com) and their 4 Horsemen along with their antidotes. If you haven’t heard of the Gottman’s, they are couples and relationship experts who have spent decades understanding the nuance of what works as well as what damages a relationship. They have knowledge that therapists can learn; if you are looking for a couple’s counselor, finding a Gottman Trained person is almost always the best way to go. In our office we have a few!

To keep to the topic of trust and communication – the 4 Horsemen are seen as things that degrade communication between partners and can fracture trust. These are studied most intensely in romantic relationships however, can completely be applied to parent/child, sibling, friendship, and professional relationships. Lindsay Braman (https://lindsaybraman.com) illustrated them as such:

Is it becoming more clear how these communication breakdowns can lead to fractured trust? How many of us can reflect on how we speak to others and see these patterns at work in our daily lives? I know I can. It’s definite growth to be able to look at current communication, take accountability for the part we’ve played and work to do different. The Gottman’s (gottman.com) have an excellent blog breaking down the 4 horsemen into greater detail to enrich understanding. Check it out here > https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Here is an additional image for which antidote to apply to which horsemen:

For further information on the antidotes and how to apply them please see the blog from the Gottman Institute > https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/

Communication is an inherently vulnerable act; our words can represent our most authentic, true self *and* words can tear that inner self down. May we all do our part to communicate with more care, compassion, and do our part to apply these antidotes freely.

Written by Katie Walter